I've forgotten what day we're on at the gym. It's all a blur of painful kettle bell exercises, treadmill accidents and strange looks from the gym staff.
Since I skipped the workout on my birthday and consumed somewhere in the ballpark of 27,000 calories, today it was back to business as usual. Back to bustin my arse so that my pants will no longer force me to choose between a muffin top or camel toe every single day. That's a hard decision that no one should ever have to make. (If you pull your jeans up over the muffin top, you have raging camel toe. Leave them down around the hips and boom, MT..) Now, rest assured, muffin top always wins, but lets be honest: NO one wins with muffin top.
Just recently they have laid out a giant rope in the kickboxing room of my gym (Biggest Loser style) and I know it's for exercising, but all I ever want to do is attempt double dutch with this thing. Bad idea. Rhonda makes me go first, of course, and even though being the guinea pig has literally caused me bodily injury and broken teeth in the past, I still agreed. (That's on me, I know.) After she gets them moving and I feel out a pretty good rhythm, I hop in. One of the ropes (about 2 friggin inches in diameter) hits me on the back of the neck and nearly snapped my spine. I called uncle and made her switch. Since Im incredibly strong and managed to get the ropes moving at a really nice arc for her to run through, she gets to the other side unscathed..That is until she runs face first into a heavy bag. BAM! IN THE FACE! Like she forgot there were 14 of these things hanging like a heavybag forest on the other side of the ropes. Oh well. We're both in pain, so it's officially time to move on.
To 'Giant Exercise Ball Vollyball' that is...She served up a pretty sweet lob and just as I was spiking it back across the room, some meat head comes in and looks at us like we're insane. He walks right over to the 45lb kettle bell weight and asks us if he can use it. Neither of us could pick it up off the ground. It might as well have been a VW bug sitting there. Oh well, we need to stop the shenanigans and start our work out for real, anyway.
A solid hour of cardio later, we'd successfully narrated an unsuspecting mans workout with porn voices Mystery Science Theater 2000 style, laughed in the face of a dude wearing water socks (river shoes) and a bright purple tank top and spit water out of our noses after seeing a small child fall backwards off the treadmill next to us. (she was fine, stop judging!)
Now, of course Im sorry the treadmill gods decided to take a child in my place today but I have no control over their wicked ways.. And you'd have laughed too if you saw it.
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