Hey There, Wait a Minute Mr. Postman...

This letter is to Tom, my mailman.

Dearest Tom,
It has become painfully clear to me that you take more than the usual amount of interest in the personal lives of those you serve on your route. In order to keep you from any more sleepless nights, im giving you the inside scoop on the Mills family. My hope is that our family's comings and goings will no longer be a mystery to you and all the time you spend milking my good friend for information can now be put to better use sorting and delivering the mail. (You know, the job which you are actually compensated for.)

I got knocked up in high school. For a while I was a bitter, hateful bitch that would rather tell someone to go die in a fire than to say 'hi'. (I know the looks you get when you pull up to my box would lead you to believe not much has changed, but rest assured, I am alot nicer nowdays. Just not to you. ) At 19 I met my husband Chad and he made an honest(ish) woman of me. He's a good man with no strange fetishes or garrish secrets in his past, but you already know that, don't ya, Tom? If his lack of receiving porn through the mail leads you to believe he must be an 'internet' man, I'd like to cordially invite you over some Sunday for dinner and a 'browser history check' as a show of good faith. Im pretty sure the Postal Service's motto is, "Leave no stone unturned in the personal lives of those on your route", and I just want to help you help yourself... to a big ol' helping of my personal life.

Chad and I love each other and for the past 10 years have made a life together, most of which has been spent in WF. Our marriage is good but far from storybook. We've lost jobs, gone through a bankruptcy, suffered the loss of beloved family members under tragic circumstances, and struggled with the day to day stresses of being married with three kids. We argue. Not violently and never for long, but sometimes I wake up pissy or Chad has a crappy day at work and we get into it. No guns or knives are drawn so i consider us 'normal' in that department. Our sex life is great. We enjoy 3-5 romps a week, kids and schedules permitting. I still think he's cute and he still whistles and slaps my butt when he see's me naked. I think that's nice, don't you, Tom?

Our sons are good kids. We try to raise them right but who knows. I guess we'll find out about our kids like everyone else does. Do our best, wait for them to grow up and hope to God that they are kind and caring or at least smart enough to hide the bodies well. I sure hope they have been respectful to you in the past.

Now me, on the other hand, I don't like you. I think you need to mind your own damn business and start acting more like a middle aged man and less like a 15 yr old girl sniffing around for a fresh bit for the schools gossip column. Next time you have a question about me or my family, do me a favor. Place my mail in the box, drive straight into town and get a fucking life of your own.


Sincerely,
Misty Mills