I was given a book titled, 'Help Me, Im Married' and since I'd never read anything of hers, I didnt know until I cracked it open that it was the bible bangers guide to marital bliss. From the jacket cover, I was expecting funny yet poignant stories of the trials and tribulations of marriage. What I got was a one way ticket to Crazy Town.
Exhibit A: 'There were many times when I let my husband make love to me simply out of obedience to God, and though Dave didnt know it, tears were running down my face....Once in a while Dave would catch me crying and ask me, 'what's wrong?'. I would tell him I was just trying to obey God but was having a hard time doing so. Dave respected my willingness to do whatever i needed to to be free...'
PSSST! Dave's an ass! Who continues to bang their sobbing wife who's jabbering on about Jesus forcing her to diddle you???! If I looked down and saw Chad's tear streaked face, I'd assume I hadn't heard the safe word and immediately stop to make sure he was ok and not seriously injured...You know, because I CARE!
Exhibit A: 'There were many times when I let my husband make love to me simply out of obedience to God, and though Dave didnt know it, tears were running down my face....Once in a while Dave would catch me crying and ask me, 'what's wrong?'. I would tell him I was just trying to obey God but was having a hard time doing so. Dave respected my willingness to do whatever i needed to to be free...'
PSSST! Dave's an ass! Who continues to bang their sobbing wife who's jabbering on about Jesus forcing her to diddle you???! If I looked down and saw Chad's tear streaked face, I'd assume I hadn't heard the safe word and immediately stop to make sure he was ok and not seriously injured...You know, because I CARE!
Exhibit B: 'Take good care of your children but do not put them above God or your spouse.'
Um, Sorry, but my husband is a grown ass man and can take care of himself.. Im pretty sure God can handle his own business, too. My kids are numero uno, comprende, Joyce?
Apparently she also speaks a special 'prayer language' that only she and God know and prompts you to check out the appendix at the back of the book to learn how to speak in tongues and learn your very own top secret prayer language. Hey Joyce, if I learn the secret prayer language and send you the upc code from this shitty book, can I get a super awesome decoder ring?!
Hit me back -
Mills out.
made me laugh out loud at work. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteOMG!!! NO ONE IS EXEMPT FROM YOUR SCATHING TONGUE!!
ReplyDeleteOh god! This is so funny! Maybe some books should be burned.
ReplyDelete